Focusing on the good. 2 months later.

My dear Brody Micah, you left us for heaven two months ago now. Time does heal, but the pain will always be there. We will always miss you. But the days do grow brighter and we strive now to focus on all the good things God has done through your precious life.  Don’t get me wrong, there are moments when I cry and I still say, “It’s just not fair!”  Like when your daddy was excited to tell me of his plans for the tree we want to plant in your memory. He’s worked out the details and said maybe someday we could put a bench under it with your name on it. I said I loved that idea! Then his face changed in an instant and he cried, “I don’t want a tree, I want my baby!” And we just held each other and cried together. We miss you so much! I had a moment today where I saw a lady stopped on the sidewalk in front of our house. She was pushing a stroller. My heart sank as I thought about how much I wish I was pushing you in a stroller on a sunny afternoon like this.

But as I said, it is getting a little easier. I’m trying to see God’s little reminders of the hope we have in Him. I was washing dishes earlier and looking out the window. I saw the littlest baby bird hopping around! He was so tiny and cute… but all alone. I wondered if he was ok. It made me think of you, our only son, and your little frail body. Just then, another little bird, perhaps a brother or sister, hopped around the corner over to him and then the two hopped around together and then flew away. I felt like maybe it was a little wink from God. That maybe someday He would grant us a little brother or sister for you.

For now, we just cling to our memories of you. We wonder who might get your heart valves that we were able to donate. We think of the many premature or sick babies that will benefit from the milk I’m donating. We thank God for you and the many lessons you’ve taught us. Like loving our family and friends and cherishing every moment we get with them. I could go on… but for now, your daddy and I just want to say, we love you! Happy two months in heaven!

Why it’s ok to say “congratulations” and “I’m sorry” in the same breath.

As we reflect on these 4 weeks since Brody’s arrival and departure, I feel like I’m starting to grapple with it all. Perhaps I was in shock and survival mode. I’m asking myself, and God, some hard questions. It’s good… part of the process.

I thought I would share a few thoughts that might make it “easier” for everyone. It’s hard for me to imagine the roles reversed, and what I would say to someone like myself, not knowing what it’s like… and we've definitely experienced some awkwardness, some avoidance, and some ignorance. Which I will say first and foremost is fine! I don’t expect anyone to “get it”. I don’t expect anyone to have all the right words at every right time. I won’t be offended if you mumble an awkward phrase, or even if you can’t bear to “go there”.

A few ideas that might give insight into what I’m thinking and feeling, and then hopefully make it easier for you to be around me – or anyone going through such grief:

1.       It’s ok to not know what to say.

There are many occasions in life that leave us dumbfounded and speechless. Certainly I’m not surprised that this one is in such company. Guess what – I don’t always know what to say about it either! So it’s ok. If you want to say something, just say, “I don’t know what to say!” and that will mean more to me than you could know. It’s so much better than avoiding the subject all together.

2.       Talk to me.

Avoidance is painful. I don’t want to just be ignored. Yes, we may have asked for our space, but that doesn't mean you can’t talk to me when we see each other. We simply didn't want to be bombarded with visitors at home. Now though, we need people to acknowledge our presence as we step back into life. Say hello. Don’t make us feel like we are making everyone uncomfortable (though I understand that may be the case). And if you are uncomfortable, I refer you to number 1.

3.       It’s not all sad.

While this is an unbearable grief much of the time, there is still joy. We are still thankful for this little life God granted us. We want to acknowledge Brody and remember him and talk about how happy we are to be his parents. We’re parents! I admit it doesn't feel real most of the time, but you can remind me. It’s ok to say congratulations. It may be mixed with pain and sorrow, but we are happy too to call Brody our son. Allow the grief to dance with joy.

4.       Say, “I’m sorry”.

Along with “I don’t know what to say,” the best and simplest thing to say is, “I’m sorry.” We don’t need to hear, “you’ll have more kids”. Brody can’t be replaced. I've heard it compared to this – if you lose your mom, do you get to just have a new one? Perhaps God will grant us more children, but that is neither here nor there in the midst of the loss of Brody. We also don’t need to hear things like “Heaven needed another angel.” First of all, that’s some messed up theology. Second, it’s an attempt to put a Band-Aid on a gunshot wound. Trite, commonplace phrases make it seem like you are trying to give a simple answer to something very far from simple. Saying, “I’m sorry,” really is soothing. It lets us know you care. You acknowledge Brody, the pain, the fact that it’s not easy, and lets us know you’re with us – you haven’t forgotten.

5.       Let me laugh.

Life does go on as they say. It doesn't always feel that way. Life will never be the same. We have a new normal. But in life, there is joy and laughter. I don’t want anyone to think that if they see me being silly and making jokes that it means I've “moved on” or that I’m “all better now”. I can’t be grieving all the time! I’d implode! We have to have moments of brevity and escape. I need to dance at Zumba and make jokes with my girls. It doesn't mean I won’t get in the car and think of Brody and cry, but it is necessary and part of the healing to feel the full range of emotions. God gave them to us! I don’t’ think he ever intended for us to pack one up in a box, never to be used again. There is a time and place for everything… we will mourn and we will celebrate, but we will never forget our sweet Brody man.

On this, Brody’s one month in heaven, I sometimes wonder about the ache in my heart. I feel I will carry it forever. I wrote this to a fellow anencephaly mom in our FB group:

“I think we will grow thankful for that ache. That way our little ones are always with us. I'd rather have the sorrow than forget completely. I'd rather carry the pain than to have never known the love.”

Love you so much sweet Brody man!

To my sweet Brody... a summary of our story.

My dear baby boy, I don’t know how to begin except to say I love you.  These past nine months have been life changing. I count every single day as a blessing from God, and would do them all over again.

June 13^th, 2013 was a rather exciting day! We were gathering our things to leave for the airport. Nine of us from FBC Waynesville were headed to serve in the church I worked with when I lived in France! Before I hopped in the shower that morning I had my suspicions so I took a test – positive! Then another – positive! And yes I took a third – positive! I was floored! Miah came in moments later and just couldn’t believe it. We were told we had less than 1% chance of getting pregnant, but our God is far bigger than medical statistics! The whole trip I was distracted as I contemplated your tiny life forming inside me.  I had wanted to take Jeremiah to France since we started dating and share that part of my life with him and I was so grateful we were finally able to be there together, but again, I was a bit preoccupied! J

Coming home we confirmed the tests at the Dr.’s, and began the exciting process of telling family and friends. The joy we felt… the pride we had in you our child… the genuine love and happiness we felt from everyone as they celebrated God’s gift with us… it was truly a blessing from God!

October 2^nd will remain engraved in our hearts and minds forever. Our 20 week ultrasound. I couldn’t wait for that day to go find out if you were a boy or girl. Still, I was uneasy that morning. I couldn’t decide why other than wanting to be sure you were healthy above all else. Seconds into the ultrasound we found out you were a boy! Another joyous layer of reality to this unfolding story. The ultrasound was taking a long time, but we didn’t know that was unusual. The tech kept saying she couldn’t get a good angle and that you were moving too much. I felt nervous, but was more just wanting to see your little profile and face. That however was the one thing we couldn’t see as she pressed harder and harder into my abdomen.  She left the room and came back in with our OB. Then the unreal blur began. She placed her hand on my leg and her face looked extremely concerned. She explained that if she was right about what they were seeing that you were a baby that would not survive. I was convinced that they just weren’t seeing things right! But still… I felt like I was dangling over the edge of a cliff from a thin thread. We were sent to Miami Valley Hospital to confirm the diagnosis with a specialist who again took a long time… but then the Dr said one word, “unfortunately…” and our tears began to stream. Was this really happening? Is this our story? Am I awake?

The days and weeks that followed were flooded with moments of despair, anger, confusion, and yet other moments of peace, hope, and trust in our God. The prayers of so many people were probably the only thing keeping me from letting go of that thin thread. My dear husband, your daddy, was and still is amazing. He constantly reminded me of God’s promises and the fact that he had not only us, but you, our dear son’s life in His hands. We quickly decided on your name – Brody Micah Whitsel. Miah had thought of Brody before we were even pregnant, and Micah randomly popped into my head during the ultrasound before the devastating news. We learned that Micah means, “Who is like our God”, and Brody comes from a Gaelic name that means, “ditch”. Oh no! I thought… can we still use it? But Miah was quick to point out that when we are in life’s ditch… who is like our God?! J

Brody, I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed carrying you to term! Some days it felt like you would never come as I couldn’t wait to see and hold you, and others felt like each moment of each day was slipping away too fast as I cried in anticipation of having to let you go. We were determined to be obedient to God and not end your life earlier than He intended. In our last month with you I would cry most nights as we went to bed, but your daddy just kept saying, “We get to hold him! We get to see him soon!” We clung to this hope and also the fact that you would soon get to be in Jesus’s arms.

At our last OB appointment it was suggested we induce soon as I was having some hypertension. Driving home that Wednesday before you were born I sobbed. It was as though the eminence of your arrival took me by surprise. Friday we went in for a ripening treatment. Emotionally I was doing well, but physically it was rough! I didn’t care though. I wanted to do whatever was necessary to bring you safely to our arms. We spent the night at home and then went back in on Saturday afternoon. It was a beautifully sunny, blue sky day. I felt a peace as we drove. The sun was like a reminder of springtime coming. There are times of dark and cold, but warmth and new life are around the bend.

More treatments came to help get my body ready and the Pitocin kept being delayed. I was growing anxious, but thankful as well for each extra moment I had feeling you kick inside me! Sunday morning, after they broke my water, the pain really kicked in. Your daddy held me as I tried to walk the hallway and the contractions began coupling. We were finally able to get an epidural, though it took a while and had to be re-dosed when it didn’t work on one side. Then God blessed me with some deep sleep! Good thing too as we didn’t realize yet what was to come.

We were so thankful to have so much family and some close friends there to encourage us and pray for us before you came. As I started pushing I was having some pain but we decided not to re-dose again so that I could feel when I should push. I remember thinking during the first hour – this is kinda fun! Thank you epidural! Your daddy was making jokes and keeping everyone entertained. I was just so excited to see and hold you! It’s all I could think about! I didn’t think about what would come after. The joy of meeting you and sharing you with the world surpassed all else.

Then the pain began. We discovered you were turned face up and face first. Your little mouth was the first thing we saw and you were sticking your tongue out at us! Definitely daddy’s boy. J The pushing and the pain seemed like it would never end! Your broad shoulders gave us issues, but everyone was so encouraging – especially your daddy. For a soccer player he made a good cheerleader! Plus there was quite a crowd in the waiting room praying for you and me for hours. As were people all across the world! Brody, who knew you would make such an impact! More people have reached out to us and told us how much you have meant than we ever could’ve dreamt!

When you finally came I knew immediately that your delivery had put too much stress on you, and that you were already safe in Jesus’s arms. I didn’t mind. I just wanted to hold you and take in every inch of your perfect body. The flurry of nurses and everyone around us disappeared as I took you in my arms. Voices sounded distant, my pain seemed irrelevant. Your daddy and I stared at you and took your tiny hands in ours. I can’t explain the love and joy I felt. You were here! And you are ours. How could God be so gracious and loving to grant us this gift?! The hours that followed, so very early Monday morning, were precious. Your daddy and I were surprised by how quickly we wanted our family to come in and meet you! I was so sad that you were so bruised, but Miah kept saying – he’s perfect! And I couldn’t have agreed more.

At one point we had everyone who was still at the hospital join us as Pastor John and Louann led us in a few songs, read some scripture, and prayed. We thanked God for you. We praised Him as the giver and initiator of life. And we, with tear filled eyes and deep sorrow in our hearts, gave you back to our Savior. Your daddy and I so enjoyed spending some time alone with you. Then, we were thrilled to learn that we would still be able to donate your heart valves! Later that morning as the time came for the nurses to take you to surgery, we wept together and prayed that your little heart would give someone else a chance to live.

My dear Brody, I could go on and on about our sweet moments with you, and just how very happy I, your mommy, and Miah, your daddy, are to call you our son. As I’ve contemplated this journey and all the details surrounding your birth, I’ve certainly had my questions. I asked God… why, after all we’ve been through did it have to be so physically painful? Why did your precious little body have to be so bruised? Why couldn’t He have given you to us alive – even if just for a few minutes? God, in His loving graciousness gave me some answers. It was your daddy who first said; perhaps it was God’s grace to us that you were stillborn. Maybe it would’ve been too hard to see you breath and move, and then have to watch you pass. When you were handed to us you were already in perfect peace – free from pain, and in the presence of our Lord!  Later when I thought of the pain… I was grateful. Most moms look forward to a lifetime of giving everything they can for their children. This was my only chance. I would’ve suffered a million times more for you, well, because I love you. As for the bruising and trauma to your body, I’m not sure why, but I know this - it reminds me of how fragile and temporary this life is. We were made for so much more than this! God created us to spend a glorious eternity with Him! But our sin has separated us from Him and caused us all great suffering. We have all experienced different pain and loss that brings us to a common ground – our need of a savior to bridge the gap of our sin, back to our sinless creator. Jesus is that bridge! I praise God for sending His Son to die on the cross for us, and for raising Him from the dead thereby conquering sin and death!
““Death has been swallowed up in victory.”  “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?”  The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.  Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” I Corinthians 15:54-58

We don’t have to work towards or deserve this salvation that God offers – we’d never make it! Thankfully it is a free gift that we simply have to accept! Romans 10:9-10 tells us, “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.”

My precious Brody Micah I thank you for pointing us to God. For allowing us to marvel at His works, and for reminding us of the hope we have in Christ and His gift of eternity with Him (and you!) in heaven. Your daddy and I love you so very very much, and can’t wait to see you again.  Love and kisses, with all our hearts, Amy and Jeremiah, who will always be your mom and dad.

A good article my brother sent me about ministering to grieving moms (and dads!).
http://www.gracecoversme.com/2014/02/in-her-shoes-ministering-to-women-whove.html
Which so many already have! We can't thank you enough!!!

One month left

January 15^th. Brody’s due date is exactly one month away! Feb 15^th seemed so far away when we first learned he was coming into our lives. I like to think back to that morning as we prepared to head to the airport to go to France. I took three tests but still could hardly believe it. The whole time we were there doing work projects and preparing for the music festival I felt so distracted! But for a good reason. God gave us such joy as we went to the Dr. the morning after returning home and they confirmed my three tests. We enjoyed every step of the way as we told family and friends. I was blown away by the response at our church and when I posted the news on Facebook. The whole time I wanted to remind people that we were given extremely low odds – less than 1% mind you! I wanted everyone to join us in praising our God who placed this little life in ours.

October 2^nd will probably remain the most exhausting day of my life. I remember feeling strange as we headed to our ultrasound appointment. We were excited to find out blue or pink, but I had a certain uneasiness. I just wanted to know that everything was fine – and at that point I had no idea of all the possible diagnoses you can discover at this 20 week anatomy check.

One point I want to make clear as we enter this last month with our Brody. We are still just as excited that God granted us this little life to grow inside me, to be ours. We are perhaps even more excited to meet him and hold him. God is still just as powerful in initiating life when the odds were against us. He is still just as good!

Christmas and New Years were not as hard as I anticipated. All the celebration and fun times with family and friends helped distract from the pain. I did break down a few times, but overall they were joyous days. As I’ve been in a flurry of planning and preparing these last few weeks there have been lots of tears. Granted the hormones probably aren’t helping! As I pack the cute little clothes we’ve picked out for him I cry thinking that I’ll only put them on him once. I fold the blanket my mom made and think of how we’ll bring it home without him. I call a contact about organ donation who was very sweet and commended me for being the mother I am to him… which just leads to more tears. I understand the thought and appreciate the compliment, but then I think of how I don’t really get to be his mom as I first anticipated. I also talked to a lady about milk donation. I know I want to pursue this option, but then I wonder how I’ll feel getting up in the night to pump and not having my boy to hold as I do. Can I really handle it? I can barely handle talking about it now. We went to the funeral home which has graciously offered us almost everything for free. We walked through a show room looking at urns, all while I felt Brody kicking strong. I just nodded and said thank you through our meeting, and then as we left I barely made it out the door before losing it. I felt like I had been holding my breath the whole time we were in there.

I sometimes hate writing all this down, cause my intention is certainly not to be depressing or cause anyone pain. There is a curious thing about pain and suffering though. We all have our different experiences in life that cause suffering and I think there are two things we all have in common. We want to know we are not alone in our pain, and yet we want everyone to know our pain is unique and can’t fully be understood by others. Those can be contradictory thoughts though. How can we share our pain with others and yet tell them they can’t possibly understand it? Thankfully we have someone who can understand and who never leaves us alone. Christ took the weight of the world on him when he died on the cross. As I was reminded by one of the wisest, strongest, woman I know, even He, the Son of God, questioned the Father. He knew the purpose He was born for, and yet He asked if there could be another way. 

In my emotional day that was the 15^th, I had moments of, “It’s just not fair!” I couldn’t even go to Awana and face all the precious children. Then of course I felt guilty for thinking and feeling that. But as I was reminded, it’s ok. Christ knows our pain and God did not scorn him for questioning the plan. The important part of Christ’s example that we need to be careful not to leave out though is that He still submitted to God’s will. He struggled, suffered, and questioned, but ultimately trusted and submitted. As I cried last night with Miah right on up to the last moments of the day, I thought about all these things. And I felt peace. I felt a moment of His love and assurance surround me like the warm comforter I snuggled up in. It makes me think now of these verses – “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed… Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” II Corinthians 4:8-9 and 16-18

Christmas complications... and Hope!

The holidays* can be a time of mixed emotions for many.  This year is no exception for us. I’m a very sentimental person at heart and love holiday traditions. I enjoy the decorations, the special services at church, family get-togethers, the cookies… J. I love memories and symbolism attached to our various ornaments, and though sometimes stressful on the wallet, I enjoy finding gifts for my loved ones. I don’t always enjoy however the business, our cultures over-commercialization and materialism, missing loved ones who’ve passed away, kids whining that they didn’t get as many presents as someone else, and the sometimes awkward family moments. This is not foreign to most of you, the tug on your emotions, and the battle for your time and attention between so many activities and opportunities that are all good – but we just can’t do it all. Many experience loneliness, others regret… The holidays and our emotions can be much like the weather in Ohio – ever changing and never sure what to expect!

This year we’ve added a small stocking with a B on it for our Brody. We also want to get an ornament for him each year. This is his first Christmas… and only. We will enjoy feeling him move – Jeremiah can feel his kicks all the time now. J I think of how he is safe and warm, free from the stresses of this time of year, unconcerned with these mixed emotions.  He is often quite active between 4 and 6 am. Sometimes I’ll get up and “rock” him. I hug my belly and sway and find myself thankful to be awake with him… and I love my sleep and am quite protective of it even! He’s still responding to music – especially when I sing and play at church. This Sunday I sang with my praise team girls a song from Mary’s perspective, “Hallelujah, Light has Come”, and it was almost hard to concentrate as he kicked along with the music. I’m still teaching Zumba thanks to my awesome teaching partner! Brody man often becomes quite active on my drive home from the studio.  I’m thankful to be feeling quite healthy at 33 weeks. I have plenty of aches and pains, especially in my back, ribs, and I get ligament pulls around my belly during Zumba, but my Dr. said everything looks great and the fact that I can still Zumba is wonderful (seriously a life-saver for me!). J  There is just so much to thank God for!  You, my family and friends, have been amazing.  I completely understand that it’s hard to know what to say… or whether to say anything… but Jeremiah and I both have been so blessed by your love, prayers, cards, gifts, and words of encouragement.

This Christmas as I hear messages about Mary, and songs that make you think about her part in the story, I feel a strange and different sort of connection. I’ve heard several times “giving birth to a baby destined to die”… and other similar phrases… and I know we’re talking about the Hope of a baby born to give us life through His death… but I feel a twinge of pain at the commonalities. We too are waiting to give birth to a baby destined to die. I know ultimately we all are… and of course I’m not trying to equate Brody to Jesus… but yet, there are some similarities that bring me joy and hope. Jesus’ birth, life, death, and resurrection were all for the glory of God. He chose out of His love to provide us a way to salvation. Only He could do it, and He should receive all the glory for His perfect will and plan. We know Brody is no exception to God’s perfect plan, and that ultimately his life will bring glory to God. My brother has been sending us devotionals He is writing. He pointed out in one that we as parents often place our hope in our children. We are all sinners however and eventually disappoint. He wrote of Adam and Eve, “Adam and Eve quickly picked up on the promise implied in Genesis 3:15. There would be a “seed” or offspring from the woman who would crush the head of the serpent. Eve rightly gives credit to where credit is due. “God helped me give birth to a man.”(Gen.4:1). There was rightly lots of hope placed on their firstborn son. But, their hopes in their son are quickly dashed as he murders his younger brother. He is not the son who restored their life-bringing relationship with God.”  He later explains, “We too are given glimmers of hope, and we are right to have hope in the birth of our children… to a degree. The birth that we ought to truly put our hope in is a birth that has already happened. For in that birth Hope came to the world. A younger brother has already been born, the Son who is murdered by his brothers. But His blood speaks a better message than Abel’s does (Hebrews 12:24). Our Hope has already been born.”

As we celebrate the birth of Jesus this year, let us remember the cost, remember that we are sinners who would otherwise be hopeless, remember that this is the most important birth we could ever celebrate. Our hope is born in a helpless baby; a promise is given that this life is not all there is. Our pains, our loss, our mixed emotions during the holidays, are nothing compared to the peace and hope given by God through the gift of His Son. “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” II Corinthians 4:16-18

*No, I’m not being politically correct, I say ‘holidays’ meaning Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years… I’m definitely a “Merry Christmas” person. J

Miracles

This was also written a few weeks ago... I so hesitated posting as I feel very vulnerable... and I also fear being miss-understood, or upsetting anyone who may have commented on praying for a miracle for us. We certainly appreciate all prayers and understand all comments are well-meant. This is just a glimpse into the struggle and pain for us and also the work God has done in our hearts...

I feel the need to explain how God has worked in our hearts in regards to miracles and whether we believe God still does miracles today and whether or not He will perform a miracle with Brody.

We’ve had many well-meaning people say things like, “Remember, God still does miracles today… I’m believing in a miracle for you… Have you felt him kick? Well see!... etc.” And we’ve even received suggestions to see alternative doctors or try other natural methods.

What hurts is the idea that I have done something wrong. That something is out of line in my body which caused this. That maybe we don’t have enough faith, or need to be corrected for not believing in God’s power. Clearly some just don't totally understand the diagnosis and that it can't just be healed before he's born... apart from a true miracle of God. But here's my thought on that subject. 
I DO believe God still does miracles today. I DON'T believe that He NEEDS US to do anything. He doesn't need us to believe enough, or pray hard enough, or go to certain specialists. If He wants to heal Brody, He can in an instant, all on His own.

I DON'T however believe He will - which is different from whether I believe He CAN or not. When we went to the hospital to have another ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis the tech sent me to the bathroom before trying vaginally. In that moment I prayed fervently, "God, I know if his head isn't there that you can make it be there in an instant, so if it’s your will - let it happen! And let them see it clearly." Well, He didn't, and we got our answer, and it’s ok. 

Us being able to conceive Brody is a miracle in and of itself, and during this pregnancy as we've shared our story with so many we've seen many more miracles as lives have been touched and changed for the better.

Of course I would welcome the miracle of Brody suddenly being fine and able to live past birth... but at this point, knowing that he gets to go back to Jesus and be free from the trials and suffering of this world, all while impacting so many lives... I'm not sure I would change anything. As heart-wrenchingly painful as that is for me his mama to say.

I hope this doesn’t come across as cynical or fatalistic. I just want you the reader to understand how God has worked in our hearts. While it is painful, He has given us peace. We know He is in control and all-powerful. We trust His plan. That is what He has called us to – not to pray hard enough and believe hard enough in a miracle – but to just TRUST HIM, no matter what. We know that all life is a miracle, and that Brody is no exception, no matter how short his life may be.