Monday, December 23, 2013


This was also written a few weeks ago... I so hesitated posting as I feel very vulnerable... and I also fear being miss-understood, or upsetting anyone who may have commented on praying for a miracle for us. We certainly appreciate all prayers and understand all comments are well-meant. This is just a glimpse into the struggle and pain for us and also the work God has done in our hearts...

I feel the need to explain how God has worked in our hearts in regards to miracles and whether we believe God still does miracles today and whether or not He will perform a miracle with Brody.
We’ve had many well-meaning people say things like, “Remember, God still does miracles today… I’m believing in a miracle for you… Have you felt him kick? Well see!... etc.” And we’ve even received suggestions to see alternative doctors or try other natural methods.

What hurts is the idea that I have done something wrong. That something is out of line in my body which caused this. That maybe we don’t have enough faith, or need to be corrected for not believing in God’s power. Clearly some just don't totally understand the diagnosis and that it can't just be healed before he's born... apart from a true miracle of God. But here's my thought on that subject. 
I DO believe God still does miracles today. I DON'T believe that He NEEDS US to do anything. He doesn't need us to believe enough, or pray hard enough, or go to certain specialists. If He wants to heal Brody, He can in an instant, all on His own.

I DON'T however believe He will - which is different from whether I believe He CAN or not. When we went to the hospital to have another ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis the tech sent me to the bathroom before trying vaginally. In that moment I prayed fervently, "God, I know if his head isn't there that you can make it be there in an instant, so if it’s your will - let it happen! And let them see it clearly." Well, He didn't, and we got our answer, and it’s ok. 

Us being able to conceive Brody is a miracle in and of itself, and during this pregnancy as we've shared our story with so many we've seen many more miracles as lives have been touched and changed for the better.
Of course I would welcome the miracle of Brody suddenly being fine and able to live past birth... but at this point, knowing that he gets to go back to Jesus and be free from the trials and suffering of this world, all while impacting so many lives... I'm not sure I would change anything. As heart-wrenchingly painful as that is for me his mama to say.

I hope this doesn’t come across as cynical or fatalistic. I just want you the reader to understand how God has worked in our hearts. While it is painful, He has given us peace. We know He is in control and all-powerful. We trust His plan. That is what He has called us to – not to pray hard enough and believe hard enough in a miracle – but to just TRUST HIM, no matter what. We know that all life is a miracle, and that Brody is no exception, no matter how short his life may be. 


  1. Amy, I don't think that this is cynical or fatalistic. I think that you are being very realistic, and while not giving up hope, have come to terms with what is, and are trusting God to see you through this regardless of the outcome. I think it's a very healthy perspective, and just the simple fact that you're seeking God throughout tells me that you're doing exactly what you need to be. Thanks for being willing to be vulnerable and share this with us.


  2. I found your blog through the anencephaly facebook group. We had a daughter, Joy, who was born in August 2012 with anencephaly. I think you spoke very well on the subject and I completely agree - I didn't doubt that God could heal Joy, I was just pretty sure it wasn't His will to do so. And it's true that while it was the most painful experience of our lives to date, 18 months later, I concur that I wouldn't change it. I admire that you can say that so early in the journey; I'm not sure that I could. May God bless your family as you walk down this road.

    1. Thank you Beth! So good to know that we are not alone and that those who have walked this path before us understand and doing ok! :)