Thursday, December 25, 2014

Plans change... or do they?

Plans change. Or at least ours do.

If you're like me, you like to make a plan, and see it fulfilled.
I don't have to make the plan, but I like to know what it is. 
Sometimes plans are made, and then they change. Most of the time - it's not a big deal. You just go with it. Sometimes though, it seems as though there is just no way that this change of plan can work out.

We asked God for a child and he gave us one. When we became pregnant with Brody it was very apparent that God planned to make us a family.  When that plan changed drastically, I was confused... but God this was your perfect, beautiful plan! Why would you change it?! What I had to remember though was that for Him it was not a change. That was His plan. Some say, oh you were so strong... but really, we didn't have a choice. It was His plan.

I bet Mary didn't see Jesus in her plan. I wonder what all went through her head when she first heard the news. Do I have a choice? What about Joseph... will I lose my fiancé for this? Will my friends and family forsake me? Wasn't your plan for us something different? But this was God's plan.

We can see God's plans as difficult, unexpected, and confusing at times... but we have to remember who He is. He created us, He laid out the very foundations of the earth. He knew us before He knit us together in our Mother's womb. He was, He is, and He will be the one true sovereign God. He sees the whole picture!
"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known." I Corinthians 13:12

While at first this plan for a savior to be born to her, a young unmarried virgin, must have been scary, overwhelming, and maybe even disappointing... It proved to be the most perfect plan of all. Was not the author of this plan also the author of mine? Did not the same God who breathed life into mankind, who sent His son to die for OUR sins, also give life, though brief, to our Brody? Does he not know the ultimate purpose for Brody's story as He knew the purpose of Mary's?

Our plans may change, but His do not.
Oh God, help me this Christmas to TRUST in your sovereign plans. To not only know in my head but also in my heart that your plans for our lives are indeed perfect.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

A moment to remember from May 5th, 2014

Another old Facebook post:

God never ceases to amaze me. You all have seen me post cute little things about the Walton's youngest son Caeson that I get to watch a few days a week. For today's #BrodyBits #Memory Monday I have to tell you how God has ministered to my heart through a three year old. 

I've had the opportunity to watch him since he was 7 or 8 weeks old. After we received Brody's diagnosis, and that again after Brody was born, I feared that it would be difficult to watch Caeson while I grieved. His parents did too and were very gracious in giving us time. God took my fears though and redeemed them to actually comfort and heal my broken heart. While other situations with kids such as Awana and sometimes my piano lessons have been difficult to face, rarely has this been difficult.

It's been interesting to watch the innocence of a three year old through this whole journey. I've been able to talk to him about God, heaven, and the value of life. We talked to Brody in the womb, about knowing and trusting God, about how Jesus died on the cross for us and rose again, about how in doing so He made a way for us to go to heaven... where Brody is now waiting for us. We've talked about how we have to trust Jesus and give Him our heart... so many great things that I pray have planted seeds in Caeson's little heart and mind. 

Today while playing with toys Caeson was singing "Jesus love me". I stopped what I was doing and just smiled and listened. Then Caeson said to himself, "I'm singing for Brody, he will like that. I miss him." Aww! How sweet! Earlier this morning I had to clarify that Brody was a person - not a puppy. To help him understand who Brody is we talked about how Brody grew in my belly just like he did in him mommy's, and just like cousin Lincoln with Aunt Haley, and cousin Owen with Aunt Holly. I could tell it clicked. Perhaps Brody's short life will be remembered someday when Caeson is older and he considers whether to give his life to Christ or not. Perhaps that little seed will sprout and grow and Brody will inspire him, and YOU, to give your life to Jesus, trust Him, follow Him, serve Him, and most of all - love Him.

thoughts from April 8th

from a Facebook post back in April:

So I was doing great the past few days... then Sunday night our families were talking about Easter plans and I just went downhill. It occurred to me how hard that day will be as we watch our nieces and nephews hunt for eggs, take pics in their cute outfits, etc and then I'll really miss Brody and wish he was there to pass around to the family. Anyway, so Monday was rough, and of course gray and rainy too! But then John and LouAnn Mohler saved the day! :) They had my parents and Jeremiah over for dinner and "slime licker". Great food, conversation, and laughs which pulled me out of my funk. I know its ok to have seasons of grief, unexpected ups and downs. Thankful that our God is always the same faithful God in spite of my ever changing feelings!

Been too long...

Silence speaks.

Sometimes its hard to speak, write, reflect. My silence on here lately could make you think a variety of things - and many may be true. It's true that sometimes I'm so upset, mad even, that I can't share. Sometimes life is simply too busy. Sometimes I worry people will tire of my talking about Brody. Sometimes I'm fine and full of hope for the future - but worry it will seem as though I've "moved on".

I have made some posts on Facebook some of which I called #BrodyBits and #MemoryMonday.

Here's one from just 6 weeks postpartum:

6 weeks ago I met my son and kissed him goodbye. Sometimes it doesn't feel real. He was only here for 40 weeks and 2 days. People ask how I'm doing and I say "ok", but part of me is gone. I miss you so much Brody! Having a hard time going to bed tonight. I am "ok" though... and ultimately grateful for Brody, my perfect son, a beautiful gift. I just wish I could hold him tonight... and share pics of his first this or that... and complain about sleepless nights or endless poopy diapers. :) At least I know my boy is safe and happy in Jesus' arms and that he has impacted me and countless others for good. 
Ok, to bed I go. Mommy loves you Brody Micah!